without judging, here’s my impression of a dog owner:
“oh hai, my dog just peed on your rug, stuck it’s head in the trashcan, ate some garbage it found there, and is now barfing and pooping while sliding around on its butt wiping poop all over the floor”
how cute!
i know people think cats are evil and don’t like you (and i agree, they do not like you), but here are some great things about cats.
1. know how to use the bathroom
2. do not bark loudly
3. content to sit still for hours
right now, this very minute, i am flying first class. i haven’t flow first class for over a decade. and i had forgotten all the benefits of flying first class. and it is making me angry about every time i have to fly not first class and be treated like an elementary school student. let’s review:
0. they told me to move things in the overheard compartment to stow my bag.
1. I did not have to stow my laptop before takeoff. i put it next to me in the seat and NO ONE ASKED ME TO MOVE IT.
2. I had to shut off my electronics, but only 10 seconds before we took off. literally the flight attendant asked me to do it as she was buckling her own belt for takeoff
3. free dvd player with bose headphones. i am going to replace my old bose headphones with their newer ones and see if anyone notices.
4. unlimited drinks.
5. an actual meal. a 3 cheese omelette. who knew there were 3 KINDS OF CHEESE? not the best omelette i’ve ever had, but it was by no means the worst or bad or even mediocre. it was a GOOD omelette
6. when they canceled my flight this morning, they rebooked me on another one without having to fly out tomorrow
7. of course, this was after they tried to book me on an 11 hour, 2 stop trip all around the country.
8. and they did cancel my flight, so i guess even in first class you can’t fight the weather.
9. the company of my equals. no kids crying, no one stealing my armrest, just a friendly investment banker. we are discussing Wittgenstein over a game of backgammon. I have mentioned that i went to an ivy league university 4 times so they know i belong here. i have not told him which one.
i will now make it my mission to return to first class as much as i possibly can. sorry 401k! i have to fly like a human, and not be told when i can use my kindle (why the fuck would i have to turn off my kindle? how would that interfere with the plane?) or deal with the guy dipping in the seat next to me or the family of 5 or the woman who won’t let me move her tiny bag that she has put in the center of the overhead because “she has every right to that space”, or the jerks in the security line who set off the metal detector BECAUSE THEY ARE WEARING A BELT or the guy who doesn’t know he has to take his laptop out or any of the other insane things we do to ourselves so we can be stuffed like sardines in a metal tube that then zooms through the air, ferrying us around and around, even though we never really get anywhere.
it is totally possible that i should have declined the third diet coke.