Manlio Rules

I hate Los Angeles. It’s too bad, because i’ve actually had a decent bit of fun in this city, though admittedly most of that was on very quick jaunts to bars that certainly would have become boring if given enough time, and in the company of people who were fine for that moment and likely intolerable after a day or two.

I hate LA because even in the airport one sees things that are entirely unnecessary, from the men and women who are dressed to the nines to get on their flight, to the long line outside the admirals club (and i get the feeling that most of these people are just looking for the one day $50 pass), to the asshole who was just breakdancing in the quiet waiting room. I’m not kidding. Breakdancing. And of course there are no less than 3 stores to buy perfumed jeans and pink tight t-shirts, just in case you realize at the last minute that you’re at the airport and have totally forgotten to pack clothing. i think it’s a shame you can’t smoke in airports anymore, because this one would at least then be rife with cigarettes, thus blurring out all the assholes who’ve decided that it’s imperative to bring their little dogs in red holiday sweaters on the goddamned airplanes.

I realize that there are many people out there (and i’ve met them) who hate New York City, or are afraid of it, and give me that wary glance when i mention how much i enjoy(ed) living there. They often say something like: “well, New York’s a little big for me. i’m not sure i could handle it”. and that’s great, except the super secret of New York that they don’t tell you on the brochures or in the commercials or certainly not on the college tours, is that almost no one in New York leaves the 15 blocks surrounding their apartment, unless of course they live in midtown and work in the financial district, in which case they just go back and forth. I lived in NY for 6 years, and only after moving 5 times to 5 different neighborhoods did i finally realize that NY isn’t really a big city, it’s about 8 little cities that all happen to be right next to each other. Now Los Angeles, that’s a big city. and it’s a big city because everything is spread out and you have to drive everywhere, and i get the feeling that one does this even after drinking 7 whiskeys. San Francisco has a similar problem, especially because it’s next to impossible to find cabs in SF unless you live in the right neighborhood and are looking at the right time of night. otherwise, you might as well start walking. I know a woman who one time paid a pizza delivery guy $20 to take her about 15 blocks in San Francisco. and it’s ridiculous, but it happens all the time because there is no logical public transportation in SF and all fun neighborhoods are bordered by some of the scariest places i’ve ever seen, and i’ve walked around Trenton at 2AM.

In any event, i hate LA, and i’m tempted to go try to weasel my way into the admirals club, if i wasn’t sure that i’d be sitting next to some asshole who wants to breakdance.