Manlio Rules

ok, so i forgot about the karaoke article when i said previously that i wouldn’t have much to write about this week. I’ve been thinking about this article quite a bit, since recently there have been a ton of parties involving karaoke. i’m not sure if it’s become a more acceptable party activity, or if it always was and i’ve finally reached that age. in any event, i feel qualified to write about it because my ex girlfriend was a karaoke addict, and many of my nights for a year or two ended falling asleep at a bar while she performed song after song at some of the shittiest dive bars in NY. so i’ve seen my share of karaoke.

tips are after the jump:

1. you have to decide if you’re going to really try and sing, or if you’re just going to mess around. either option is perfectly acceptable, but you gotta commit to one or the other, and choose songs accordingly. note that your choice can change for each song, but it shouldn’t change mid-song, unless you’re really bombing a serious take and you want to make it funny.

2. if you are going to make a go of really singing, make sure you choose a song at least somewhat in your vocal range. many popular rock songs of the 80′s and 90′s are not actually in your vocal range if you’re a man, cause the style at the time was to have a super high voice. So when you get to the chorus of “Dead or Alive” and realize that you can’t hit the “Wanted”, you better have a plan. acceptable plans include passing the mic to a girl, or screaming. unacceptable plans include dropping down an octave.

3. please note that you don’t have to actually be a good singer to make a go of a serious karaoke attempt. sometimes the way you sing the song can be just as important as if you’re hitting the notes. An example: my friend tracy did a version of Black Velvet last year, and while she had some issues hitting the higher notes, the style and attitude in which she delivered brought the room to its knees.

4. If you go to karaoke more than once or twice a year, you should have at least 1 song that you know you can nail. you should know most of the words, and it shoudl be different from songs that your friends sing. you should bust it out either at the beginning of the night to get everyone comfortable with singing (especially important with a group that doesn’t totally know each other), or at the end. i recommend the beginning, when you can really still sing. at 3AM, everyone’s going to be drunk and putting in really weird stuff. for example, a few months ago i found myself singing “when doves cry”, which was a disaster, but luckily i had already ante’d up with my standard of “White Wedding”.

4a. When choosing a staple, have some taste. anything from the last 5 years is probably out. no one wants to hear your version of the new hit Green Day tune, or you trying to hammer through “hey ya”. They want to hear songs from their youth. For me, that means any song from the 80′s or 90′s, or further back. One hit wonders make great staple songs. The Gin Blossoms “Hey Jealousy” is one of my (and kb’s) favorites.

5. If you can’t sing at all, your song selection should be comical. My friend mike does a great version of “baby got back”, and my friend Dennis does a killer “dead or alive”. neither of these are good because they actually perform the songs in a technically excellent manner, but there’s something funny about a tall white kid talking about butts, or a dude jumping up on the tables and really living out his rock and roll fantasy.

5a. another option for a joke song is to get on a second mike and give analysis of the terrible video. you should only do this when you have your own room, and just for 1 video. after that it gets lame.

6. If you’re a woman, and you’re doing a joke song, interpretive dance is a good idea.

7. remember, people aren’t really there to hear you sing, they’re more interested in hearing themselves, so don’t hog the mic. for each hour you’re at the bar, you should sing 1 individual song and 1-2 group songs. this changes as your group gets smaller, and if you have a private room, you can sing how ever much you want depending on who’s there with you (more singing for closer friends). One exception to that would be my friend who had a karaoke bday party, and sang every song herself for an hour until i left with half the party to go to another bar.

8. if you’re too drunk to stand, you should sing one more song and call it a night. that song should ideally be something appropriate. “closing time” is great for this, but it has to actually be near the end of the night, and not 10PM cause you took 8 shots before coming out.